Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
