well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
