she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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