even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
