We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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