I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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