Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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