He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
