i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
