K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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