Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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