the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
