Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then he tried to convert me to islam
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
