you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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