found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
