My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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