bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize