What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
