So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
