Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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