I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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