i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
