Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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