I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize