I accidentally had phone sex last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
