really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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