thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
