I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
