Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
