My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
