sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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