i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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