don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
