Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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