so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
