I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
