Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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