i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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