be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
