i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
