They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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