he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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