you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
