I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
