i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
