I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
