she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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