I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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