I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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