I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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