i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's blow job season.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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