CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
