yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
