i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
