So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
