I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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