filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
