If that was your dad, he is hot
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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