well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
