I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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