yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
