too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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