I wish I could teleport
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
