The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
