im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
