she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've blown a few things in my day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
