With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
