Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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