Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
