i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
